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But, just like in this recent placement, we always try to love the birth family and let them know of our love. We don’t want potential adoptive parents victimized. I didn’t blow her off.”Īs an agency, we encourage our adoptive parents to, “Do everything they said they would do.” Wendi feels the relationship has remained close because “Everything I told Jessica I would do. Jessica and her mother flew home and left Janell with Wendi. I didn’t want her ever to feel coerced or manipulated.” I knew her mother would talk her out of placing the baby. “I left them together with Janell,” Wendi said of the night after the birth. Wendi and Jessica’s mother went to the hospital when the baby was born. To ensure there was no deception, Wendi bought an airline ticket for Jessica’s mother to fly across the country and spend a week with Jessica and Wendi’s extended family. “I didn’t want there to be lies and dishonesty,” Wendi said. As Wendi became more familiar with Jessica’s family dynamics, she recognized that Jessica’s grandmother would be the most upset about placement.

Telling the baby’s biological grandmother might increase the likelihood that Jessica would decide to parent. Wendi recognized that her two concerns were incompatible. “There was definitely a kinship, a relationship.” However, two competing worries kept haunting Wendi– Number 1– Jessica could easily change her mind and just as concerning Number 2– Wendi felt Jessica needed to tell her mother and make sure the birth father was agreeable to placement. “We talked for hours that first night,” Wendi explained. The two women immediately felt a connection. She planned to place the baby with Wendi, never telling anyone that she had been pregnant. Instead of revealing her situation, she took her four-year-old and two-year-old sons and left, telling her family she was going to school. She had been hiding her pregnancy however, this deception was not going to be possible anymore. Jessica lied to her mother and the rest of her family.

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